I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
