We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just gift wrapped bread.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You may now shotgun with the bride
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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