Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
They are going to name an STD after you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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