do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
