i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
