i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
