dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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