And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
