did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
