I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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