Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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