Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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