watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
