It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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