I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
