but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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