a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
