..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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