i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
