My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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