alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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