They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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