It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
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Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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