Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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