so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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