Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
