Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
