My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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