He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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