you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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