she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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