I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well you can't waste a boner
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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