She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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