I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
