Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
