It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
