I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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