just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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