Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
