there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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