Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
