You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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