I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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