Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
