people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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