I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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