State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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