is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
