can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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