I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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