I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
