Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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