i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize