I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
