I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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