anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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