my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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