Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
