Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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