No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize