did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
