32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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