I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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