she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
